I Opened My Heart, it's All Over This Page.
Park. Sunny Day. 60 degrees. Life starts again. All it takes are a few degree increases on that old thermometer, and suddenly the whole world is different! People are outside smiling, soaking in the warm rays of sun, kids are running around playing. Everyone seems lighter, freer, more open, full of possibilities.
Every year I’m amazed at how this earth is able to come back from the brutality of winter: the dark, the cold, the harshness, the bleakness of it all. How can it be that the sun feels warm on my face, that the trees grow tiny buds, that the breeze is warm once again?!!!
Spring whispers, “Here I Am,” simply and confidently. Spring knew she would come again, even if we doubted it. And, it feels amazing!
What can WE learn from this?
I don’t know about you, but I’ve had a hard year. Don’t get me wrong, it’s been amazing, but it’s felt like winter. Its been tough, cold, dark, trying. I’ve been lost, scared, a little hopeless at times. I’ve been waiting and longing for actual Spring as well as an inner Spring. What about you?
Even astrologically speaking, this past year has been one that has likely brought a lot of skeletons out of the closet for us all: made us face things we didn’t want to look at. The Uranus-Pluto square that has been building over the past few years has caused tension in our lives, only to shock us out of our usual robotic-like states and help us rebuild our lives in a more intentional way. This influence can require us to go to the deepest, darkest part of ourselves. To see and be in touch with that: but, only in the name of liberation. This is an amazing, but incredibly difficult thing. Maybe you felt disappointed in someone, in yourself, in your life, your decisions. Maybe you’ve been going through an inner Winter as well as an outer Winter (like me!).
But, just like Spring itself: we have that innate capacity to come back. Doesn’t it even seem that Spring comes back brighter, louder, more Spring-y each year? So can we. Spring is like the mythical and intriguing Pheonix, rising without fail from the seemingly dead ashes of winter.
What is it in us that survives the winter of our hearts? Even in the pain, the confusion, the dark, the fear, the anxiety, the feeling that we want to just give up. EVEN then, there IS a part of us, deep inside, that is ok. Something, just like Spring, beacons us to rise again, to burst fourth just as the buds of Spring. It whispers: “Here I Am.”
What is that???!!!
I don’t have an answer. But, what I do have is the recognition that something within us is stronger, more capable, more resilient than we know. Maybe we need to hold that closer and drawn from that source more often.
This has been on my mind a lot, as this past week I faced a huge disappointment. I have been working for months trying to get a Zumba class together. Finally, it was happening!! I was scheduled to teach a trial class. I woke up that morning with a feeling of dread and was on the verge of a panic attack all day. I summoned all of my strength and went to the studio. I waited for people to get there.
No one came.
I felt devastated, hurt, sad, disappointed, wanted to screw it all and just give up. Felt like the universe was conspiring against me.
BUT, I could feel that something deep inside me was unaffected by the disappointment. Something in me was resilient, strong, capable and it knew everything would be ok.
I decided to turn those sour lemons into some delicious LEMONADE!
Spring inspired me. If Spring is possible after this particularly harsh winter, then anything is possible! So, I summoned my courage (though I’ll admit, I did shed some tears and have some extra cocktails) and rescheduled another date. This time, I am going to get creative with my advertising strategy. Try new things. What’s the worst that happens? No one comes? 😉 In a way though, in experiencing a disappointment like this I’m less afraid of things “going wrong” in general. Because something went very wrong, and I am OK! Its a weird relief.
Much like Spring marching in (no pun intended hehe) like she never left and claiming this earth, I feel compelled to do the same. I will claim what I want and make it happen.
That’s the thing with lemons. You get enough of them….you can make some pretty bangin’ lemonade.