I Opened My Heart, it's All Over This Page.
It seems our whole lives are consumed by our fear of one thing: the unknown. We then spend our time trying to manage this fear by creating false illusions of stability. Creating relationships which really are just meant to make us feel secure and grounded, taking jobs so we feel productive, basically doing anything that APPEARS to lessen the looming presence of the mysteriousness of life.
What if this mystery is the most beautiful part of all and we are missing it? What if we are missing it because we are too busy trying to figure everything out before it even happens? What if we trusted that when things got crazy, fucked up, happened unexpectedly that we’d be able to handle it?
Just let go. (And why is that so effing difficult?).
I used to (and often still do) think like this: “Once x y or z happens, then I won’t have to worry. Then I’ll know. I just have to get through this and then I’ll know.” For me, this is often applied to everything. I wake up, before my alarm sounds, in a state of panic wanting to know every detail about how my day will be before my day happens. But, the sad truth is that I often do not know more once “x y or z” happens. Even when I plan my day “perfectly,” it’s never how I imagine it will be. I find this both frustrating and extremely interesting.
Why do we have to know?
Maybe because if we don’t know, we feel as though we have not control over anything. And I think in a lot of ways, we don’t have much control. BUT, I think that the biggest lesson for most of us is learning to let things unfold naturally (kicking and screaming or not). Not having control doesn’t have to be disempowering. In fact, the ability to surrender is probably the most empowering thing in the world.
I have not had many moments where I’ve been able to let go and just let life wash over me. But, the (very small) ones I have experienced give me hope that relentless self-analysis, planning, worrying, aren’t all there is. There is this whole other quality that we always have access to: it’s more passive, more receptive. It allows us to surrender completely.
You can let go right now. At this moment. You can breathe in, hold it for a moment, and breathe out. You can feel that in this moment breathing is all there is. How absolutely beautiful is that!? You don’t have to try or force, the breathing just happens because you trust that it will happen perfectly.
I think life is like this. All unfolding perfectly, all the time. If we could just center ourselves, take action when we need to take action worry less, and just learn to trust the process we could feel such freedom. We might experience such magnificent, delicious freedom in not knowing.
Who knew 😉